I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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