i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
