That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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