I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
