He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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