I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
