Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
