Well douche your snatch and let's go!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
