I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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