Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
