just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
