We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
