Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
