He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
