before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
