he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
