wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
