do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
