I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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