remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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