babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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