I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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