dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
