i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
