dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
