Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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