So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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