The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
