I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
