Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
