Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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