not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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