Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
