What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
