Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
