Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
