All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
