Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
