i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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