Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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