I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
