I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
