i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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