I hate all girls vehemently.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
