I wannas sexs uuuuu
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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