You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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