I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
