That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
