We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
