your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
