Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My breasts were aching with rage.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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