You just made me feel so damn special
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
