if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
