yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
